Ssshhhh!!! Be vee-wy qwiet! We’re huntin’ Wabbits!

Yep, it’s that time of the year. Hunting season was declared open a week or so ago and thousands of red-blooded French and Swiss men and no doubt Italians etc, are taking to the hills to enjoy a bit of game sport.

I was driving back from the local beauty spot last weekend with a friend of mine (Krissy – my flatmate from London days) when we saw some of the guys strolling out of the forestry track with shotguns folded over their forearms looking well pleased.

It’s an annual tradition in the hill country here in Europe and one of the additional benefits is that the first couple of weeks of the season usually make for good reading in the local papers of the various mishaps.

Hundreds of sportsmen, trigger-fingers itching after months of waiting, are as keen as mustard to get into ‘them thar hills’ and bag ‘emselves some Rabbits, Wild Boar or Dear etc, but it doesn’t always go according to plan….The trouble is, they’re just a bit too keen to bag something ‘before the other buggers get ‘em all. Add to that the other annual tradition (taking along a hip-flask with a snifter or two of Brandy), and we’re in for some hi-Octane fun!

Let me paint you a picture…

Ol’ Georges or Pierre or Giuseppe and their dogs are out there alert to the slightest movement.

Something rustles in the undergrowth…"Zut! There’s something moving over there! "

Blam, blam!

Sounds of indignant yelps. "Oops, that was Pierre’s dog".

"Wait, there’s something else in the brush to the left!"

Blam, blam!

More indignant yelping. "Oops, that was Pierre!"

Time to get that Brandy out!

The local hospitals (and vets waiting rooms) are usually sprinkled with hunters and their dogs, all having buckshot tweezered out of their behinds… One can almost imagine the unimpressed nurses who ‘just don’t get’ hunting, losing patience after the umpteenth patient and almost throwing the ol’ tetanus shot – dartboard style - into bare behinds. "Oh sorry, did that hurt?"

So, if ever you’re in this neck of the world around September/October, wear a big orange safety vest if you go into the woods. In fact better yet, give it a wide berth for the first couple of weeks!

Me? I'll just stick to one of the village restaurants and try some Wild Boar and roast vegetables. Much safer!